Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Christians suck

I did not write this, but I find it hysterical nonetheless. Especially considering that a lot of people give me bullcrap excuses like this, and I've heard these excuses used after knifing people in the back since I was...maybe four? Enjoy

It is 2020 and America has fallen to the secularists. The government comes to the Christian church and says that they will be allowed to function virtually unhindered. All they have to be willing to do is hand over one member of their congregation periodically. You are a member of the church, how are you going to respond?

a. you are going to suggest the “angry member” because we all know that his sin could contaminate you. Since you decided this many years ago, and have rarely talked to him since, you barely know him anyway.

b. you will pray and God will answer letting you know which members of the church are least worthy. You have practiced this for years, already have the ethics of a New Jersey politician (jobs for family and friends), and have come to believe your own BS, so what's one more thing to blame on God? In fact, you are so practiced in this technique, that you are able to blame the victim, as well, when they don’t buy your excuse. So, you will be able to blame the people who are taken away and still sleep easy at night.

c. perhaps suggest the weird, strange, scary, (or whatever sorry excuse you have) member because they are not truly a Christian. I mean, look at the music they listen to, how they dress, or what they talk about. Well, no, you can't actually point to any particular sin as defined by scripture, but they make you feel uncomfortable. And, you know, somebody important complained against them, or doesn’t like them, so they really aren’t needed here.

d. Well, there is this family, you know. And when you occasionally bother to say hi to them, I mean, they're ok. You know they're new to the church and everything, but Jesus didn't really mean that we had to show love to people we don't really, you know, get on with that well. So no, we've never had them in our home. They’re nobody important, so you think they can go.

e. Can’t we just all get along? I know, people have been disappearing from the church lately, but we really don’t know what’s been going on. And, how can you accuse somebody of cooperating with the state in persecuting Christians? What proof do you have? Sorry, I don’t have time at the present to listen to you - and aren’t you a little angry?

f. I really think that you need to work on your own sanctification. Oops, used a theological term there, so sorry. Theological terms show how little people love the Lord. I mean, you need to work on change. I’m already working on it and more than willing to help you.

g. you are ready to lay down your life for the church. NB This is the most dangerous Christian of all, even beating out the one to whom God talks directly, though there is some overlap between the two. They have no idea of the sin in their hearts and believe they have got it altogether.

h. you have apostatized. After all the sorry excuses above for all the sin in which Christians indulged over your entire life time you finally decided one day that you had had enough. You applied the test given in John 13:35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. The Christian church had failed using its own standards, so you went looking elsewhere.

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